Governmentium

Researchers recently announced discovery of the heaviest chemical element now known to science. It was named Governmentium. It has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. The 312 particles are held together by forces of morons, which are surrounded by vast numbers of weak particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction which it contacts. A minute amount of Governmentium delayed one reaction for 4 days when it would normally take 3 milliseconds.

Governmentium has a half-life of three years, but it does not decay. Instead, it undergoes a reorganization in which a percentage of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium' s mass actually increases over time, since each reorganization also causes some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

The characteristic of moron-promotion leads scientists to speculate that Governmentium is formed whenever masses of morons concentrate around water-coolers. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.

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